Women and Sex - What’s Normal?

Having a healthy and functional sex life may not be the most important part of a relationship, but people shouldn’t kid themselves that it’s not important at all. Normal is a relative term when it comes to sex. But, there are some basic phases of sex that are considered normal though how a woman gets there may differ. They are: desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution. Dr. Yessenow discusses this subject at your request during your annual visit.

A look at a woman’s sexual phases

For a woman, something typically sparks her desire unexpectedly. It could be as simple as holding hands to as steamy as a passionate kiss. Desire doesn’t have to be physically triggered either. Finding a note in her briefcase or a phone conversation can stimulate desire in a woman. Women who have been settled in a relationship for a while tend to show less desire, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want sex. It simply means that they know they are comfortable in their relationship and don’t feel like they have to rely on sex to keep their man interested. Once stimulated, desire usually follows.

Now, desire may not always occur first. Because arousal is a physical response, it may occur during a kiss and then lead to desire for sex. During this phase, certain physical changes should occur for normal sexual function. Blood flow increases, which causes the clitoris and the vaginal walls to swell and become more sensitive to touch. The vagina also lubricates itself to allow for comfortable penetration. As women age, the natural lubrications lessen and women must rely on other lubrications.

Orgasm is the finish line- what women and men want to reach for ultimate pleasure. Orgasm is the peak of intercourse. It occurs when the muscles of the vagina repeatedly contract and it offers a sensation. Not all women reach orgasm in the same manner. This does not mean that one is dysfunctional and one is normal. Some women can reach orgasm through penetration while others require manual stimulation of the clitoris to achieve these heightened sensations. Some women can feel completely satisfied even if she doesn’t reach her climax. These are all normal functions.

Resolution is basking in the after-glow of sex. After intercourse, a woman should feel satisfied, happy and safe. Her muscles relax and she feels the calming effects of her release. She may even feel desire and arousal again after a moment of relaxation. It is not normal for her to feel dirty, sad, and afraid or have any other negative feelings towards the previous act.

Dr. Yessenow says it is normal and even healthy for a woman to want to experiment and try new things provided both participants are comfortable. Being comfortable in her sexual relationship is extremely healthy for her and the relationship. While discussing sex with girl friends is a great way to bond and share ideas, it should not be used as a barometer for normalcy. Every woman is different, both physically and emotionally, so her sexual functioning cannot be compared to another. If she has any doubts and is worried that something is wrong, she should consult with Dr. Yessenow for the real picture and to also eliminate serious problems as a cause.